$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
