My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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