dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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