based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
