I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
