she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
