omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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