I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
