Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
