I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
