It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
