Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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