So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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