sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
