Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
