how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize