hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sarcasm needs its own font
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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