I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
