nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
