What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I looked at my own cervix.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
