toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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