Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
