I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
