i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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