is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
