I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
