Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
