im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
