I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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