did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
