I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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