She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize