I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
