Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
