I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
