Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this hospital has no fireball
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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