how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
