1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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