Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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