Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
