Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Vodka?
Forever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize