She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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