I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
