This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
