We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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