I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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