I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
