TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
