Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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