Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
