I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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