Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
