Sry I called you an 8
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
