My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
