just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
