I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
