Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
