The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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