Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
