So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
