You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
