We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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