it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
