you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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