You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
