she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
