If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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