matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
