Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
