Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you win again, gameday.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
