are you still at the devil's house?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
