I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love you.
Bad choice
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