Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
