Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cat gives me a boner
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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