wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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