Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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