I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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