the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
