I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
