Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
