Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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