just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
