I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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