i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
