i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
