Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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