My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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