i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
