i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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