was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize