So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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